Sunday, 31 July 2016

Re: [HM:258471] Group A Parents and Group B Children

heart touching... bitter truth...

pls sent us parenting tips if possible ....

Thanks a lot

On Sat, Jul 30, 2016 at 10:18 AM, Junaid Tahir <mjunaidtahir@gmail.com> wrote:

Years back, poor
​and ​
illiterate  parents produced
​ ​
Doctors, Engineers,
​ ​
Scientists
​, ​
Accountants,
​ ​
Lawyers,
​ ​
Architects,
 Professors -  whom I will refer to as Group A.

These Group A Children struggled on their own after Primary 6 or Grade 12, to become notable personalities. Most of the

​​
m
​:
​ ​

  • trekked to school barefooted
  • went to farms
  • ​f​etched water and firewood
  • cared for domesticated animals
  • did some work including trading after school to survive.

Now Group 'A' ,who have now become Parents themselves are producing  Group 'B'  Children

​.These group B children are
​​
  • pampered
  • helped in their homeworks or home assignments from nursery school through secondary schools to higher institutions.
  • chauffeur driven to very expensive schools or are sent abroad to study. 
  • they can watch movies from morning till dawn after school.
  • they are treated like baby kings and queens.
  • they don't do any household chores.
  • Food is put on the table for them,
  • their plates are removed and washed by parents or house maids.
  • They are given expensive cars and clothes,
  • not forgetting *big pocket monies to be wasted* !!!.
  • Their parents help them in doing their assignments.


  In spite of all these, only few can *speak* or *write* correctly. 

Group 'A' Parents  cared for their own *parents* and *children*, Group 'B',their Children are still *struggling to find their feet at age 30+*.‼
They find it difficult to do things on their own because they are used to being helped to think and doing things by Group 'A'. So they can't help themselves, their parents or the society. THEY ABANDON THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR BID TO ACQUIRE THE WORLD

Where do you belong

  • Reduce the pampering and the unnecessary help you offer your children.
  • Let your children grow in wisdom, intelligence and strength.
  • Let them face the truth and the realities of life. Teach them to grow  to become independent adults.
  • Teach them to
    ​ ​
    fear God,
  • ​Teach them​
    respect others
  • develop confidence in themselves.
Discipline your children to become disciplined adults, *useful* and not *useless.​


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Friday, 29 July 2016

[HM:258470] Group A Parents and Group B Children


Years back, poor
​and ​
illiterate  parents produced
​ ​
Doctors, Engineers,
​ ​
Scientists
​, ​
Accountants,
​ ​
Lawyers,
​ ​
Architects,
 Professors -  whom I will refer to as Group A.

These Group A Children struggled on their own after Primary 6 or Grade 12, to become notable personalities. Most of the

​​
m
​:
​ ​

  • trekked to school barefooted
  • went to farms
  • ​f​etched water and firewood
  • cared for domesticated animals
  • did some work including trading after school to survive.

Now Group 'A' ,who have now become Parents themselves are producing  Group 'B'  Children

​.These group B children are
​​
  • pampered
  • helped in their homeworks or home assignments from nursery school through secondary schools to higher institutions.
  • chauffeur driven to very expensive schools or are sent abroad to study. 
  • they can watch movies from morning till dawn after school.
  • they are treated like baby kings and queens.
  • they don't do any household chores.
  • Food is put on the table for them,
  • their plates are removed and washed by parents or house maids.
  • They are given expensive cars and clothes,
  • not forgetting *big pocket monies to be wasted* !!!.
  • Their parents help them in doing their assignments.


  In spite of all these, only few can *speak* or *write* correctly. 

Group 'A' Parents  cared for their own *parents* and *children*, Group 'B',their Children are still *struggling to find their feet at age 30+*.‼
They find it difficult to do things on their own because they are used to being helped to think and doing things by Group 'A'. So they can't help themselves, their parents or the society. THEY ABANDON THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR BID TO ACQUIRE THE WORLD

Where do you belong

  • Reduce the pampering and the unnecessary help you offer your children.
  • Let your children grow in wisdom, intelligence and strength.
  • Let them face the truth and the realities of life. Teach them to grow  to become independent adults.
  • Teach them to
    ​ ​
    fear God,
  • ​Teach them​
    respect others
  • develop confidence in themselves.
Discipline your children to become disciplined adults, *useful* and not *useless.​


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[HM:258469] New Artificial Pancreas for Diabetics Nears FDA Approval

Diabetes plagues millions of people around the world, but treatment techniques have improved in the last decades so its prognosis is not quite as grim as it once was. In all of its forms, diabetes has become a treatable disease. This is much to the thanks of the discovery of insulin and its effects on regulating blood glucose levels. Medtronic, a medical technology company, has created an artificial pancreas to automize insulin injections and it is nearing FDA approval.

The MiniMed 670g monitors the user's blood glucose levels on a small device that fits around the waistband. This device then can sense a rise in sugar levels triggering automatic delivery of insulin to regulate the patient's system, according to Newsweek. Users can choose to be alerted to the injection, or they can simply trust the device to do its job.

Aside from the glucose sensor attached to the patient, there is also an insulin pump patch that is able to inject highly specific amounts of insulin doses to each patient per the machine's input. As trials have begun for the use of the device, patients are loving the autonomy it presents back into their lives along with the lack of worry about subsequent hypoglycemic attacks.

Less than 30% of adults with Type 1 diabetes are able to maintain their blood sugar levels on their own, according to Bloomberg, which is what makes this device so necessary. Medtronic has tested the device with 124 patients over the course of 6 months seeing no adverse side effects and the technology working according to specifications. Completion of this testing has now led the company to submit applications for approval from the FDA, and it hopefully will be coming soon.

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Wednesday, 27 July 2016

[HM:258468] 8 Types of Photos You Should Never Use on Your LinkedIn Profile


LinkedIn doesn't play when it comes to professional profile pics and neither should you. If you upload a pic to your profile that isn't actually of you or isn't even a headshot, LinkedIn reserves the right to yank it. (Newsflash: There's no way Hello Kitty's your doppelganger, m'kay.) Seriously screw up your photo three times and -- stee-rike! -- you're out. You'll be banned from uploading your mug ever again. No joke.

In my opinion, LinkedIn doesn't ax awful profile pics enough. Sloppy, cheesy, awkward snaps. Egregiously immature, unprofessional lemme-take-a-selfie-style pics that cut it no problem on Instagram, Tinder or Facebook. Here's a friendly reminder, particularly for the 39 million students and recent college grads lurking on LinkedIn: It's not for Man Crush Monday, not for swiping right and not for stalking your 8th grade crush.

Related: 10 Questions to Ask When Creating Your LinkedIn Company Page

The 313 million-plus member site is for professional networking, specifically with past and present colleagues, hiring managers, potential clients and investors, and other hopefully business-related contacts. That said, your headshot should be professional. In other words, safe. Appealing to a wide audience. Even a little vanilla.  

So, if you want to put your best professional game face forward on LinkedIn -- and you do, don't you? -- don't be guilty of committing these common (and often comical) profile pic sins:

1. The selfie in the mirror pic.

Just please, save your smug, snapped-in-the-bathroom mirror head-to-toe selfies for Facebook. They make you look like an amateur on LinkedIn, even if you look like a boss in your hipster Hugo Boss slim fit suit, or so you think. Come on, by now you should know that selfies of any kind are way too casual for LinkedIn. #wrongplatform  

Related: 3 Ways You Might Be Screwing Up Your LinkedIn Profile and How to Avoid Them

2. The freaky filter overkill pic.

Chill with the funky filters already. Actually, don't use them at all, not on LinkedIn. Potential employers and clients want to size you up straight up, just as you are, not all uber-emo. In Instagram speak: The "Earlybird" that skips the "Sutro" is more likely to get the worm, dig?

3. The 'I'm so serious I hate life' pic.

Never post a profile pic that makes you look incredibly intense, Dwight Schrute-serious or, worst of all, pissed off. There are enough mug shot-worthy frowner-downers littering LinkedIn already. Instead, post a happy (but not too I-just-won-the-lottery happy) headshot that shows off what Richard Branson calls your "competitive advantage," your smile. Go on, let your pearly whites shine.

Related: What You Need to Do on LinkedIn, Even if You're Not Looking for a Job (Infographic)

With a nice, relaxed smile on your face, you generally come off as more approachable and trustworthy, someone a potential employer (or investor or business partner) might be more willing to give a chance. As Psychology Today puts it, "there's magic in your smile." It's scientifically proven. Use it to your advantage.

4. The beyond blurry pic.

No one should have to squint to make you out. Familiarize yourself with how to use Photoshop's "Sharpening" tool. Or, if your headshot is too fuzzy or pixelated to fix, use a different, clearer pic. Focus, people. This is pretty basic stuff.

5. The full-body action pic.

I'm not going to name names (I'm not that mean), but a LinkedIn user I maybe, kind of, sort of might be connected with is half-squatting, half-lunging in her profile pic. In a baggy T-shirt and Spandex leggings. On a cracked cement driveway. Yep, like a cat-like Crossfit ninja warrior about to pounce...  just after this quick yoga pose, k? Granted she's a black belt and a personal trainer (who, er, could easily choke me out tonight in karate class and just might if she reads this), but squatting? On LinkedIn? Really? Just no.

Related: Personal Branding Doesn't Mean Just Fixing Your LinkedIn Presence

Let's just stick with vanilla headshots, shall we? They're more appropriate for the venue. Full body shots, awkwardly posed or not, pack too much weird factor, a vibe you probably don't want to give off, at least not professionally. Not unless you're an actual ninja.    

6. The 'Say hello to my kitty' pic.

Here's an easy rule to remember: Unless you're a vet, please don't pose with your pet. As much as you adore Count Fluffy McFlufferton, I'm sorry, he's not LinkedIn profile material. You are. Just you. Save your furball's whisker-licious glamour shots for Tag a Cat, the new Tinder for cats.   

Related: Projecting a Professional Image on LinkedIn

7. The 'Oops, I cropped my shot' pic.

Technically, you're more than just a face. You're a person. A whole person with brains in your head, feet in your shoes and you can post any LinkedIn profile pic you choose. That is, we hope, except for one that oddly crops off the top of your head or the bottom of your chin. Or your ears. You get the full picture. Show your face, your whole face and nothing but your face. Or so help you job, the one you could have gotten (or kept) because you looked the part on LinkedIn.

8. The default LinkedIn silhouette pic.

On top of looking a bit clueless -- and like someone who lacks the confidence to back their good name with their face -- you'll miss out on a bunch of profile views if you choose not to upload a photo at all. If you do post a pic of yourself, LinkedIn says people are seven times more likely to click on your profile. So do yourself a solid and just say no to LinkedIn's creepy two-tone, "male silhouette" default pic. Blech.

Source: entrepreneur


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[HM:258467] Here Is How You Should Upgrade Your Professional Image

Jeff Giesea Contributor

Today's leaders should take note: Your professional image still matters. No matter how formal or informal the work environment, the way you present yourself has an impact. This is especially true in first impressions. According to research from Princeton University, people assess your competence, trustworthiness, and likeability in just a tenth of a second, solely based on the way you look.

The difference between today's workplace and the "dress for success" era is that the range of options is so much broader. Norms have evolved and fragmented. In some settings, red sneakers or dress t-shirts can convey status; in others not so much. The desired professional image for a 50-something executive at a manufacturing company in China may be completely different for a young ad agency CEO in New York City. Plus, whatever image we present is magnified by social-media services like LinkedIn. Chances are, your headshots are seen much more often now than a decade or two ago. Millennials, it seems, face the paradox of being the least formal generation yet the most conscious of style and personal branding. It can be confusing.

Related: What Your Profile Photo Is Telling Employers 

So how do we navigate this? How do we know when to invest in an upgrade? And what's the best way to pull off one that enhances our goals? Here are some tips:

Decide if the time is right.

As an executive coach, I've seen image upgrades be particularly helpful during transitions -- when looking for a new job, stepping into a new or more public role, or changing work environments. If you're in a period of change or just feeling stuck and in a rut, now may be a good time. If you're not sure, ask for honest feedback from trusted friends, colleagues and professionals. Look for cues about how others perceive you. Maybe there's no need for an upgrade and that's OK.  

Know your goals.

Get clear on what impact you're hoping to have. Are you looking to refresh your image or pivot it? For one person, the goal may be to be taken more seriously and enhance their professional image. For another, it may be to be perceived as more approachable, or more modern and stylish. For someone moving from finance to advertising, maybe they want to look more "SoHo." (It's OK to use characterizations like that.)

Understand the context.

Look at your work environment like an anthropologist. What are the norms of your environment? What conveys status? Who are your most important audiences? How do the people you respect and look up to present themselves? The better you understand the cultural context, the more control you can have over your impact.
 

Work with professionals.

Enlist the support of professionals and share with them your goals and context. Hire a personal stylist, or use the free styling service of a store like J.Crew. Try a hair stylist instead of a barber. Work with a professional photographer instead of your spouse or friend. It's not as expensive as you might think.

Related: 5 Affordable Ways to Make Your Online Profile Stand Out

Make it efficient.

The point of a style upgrade isn't to become more vain or to spend more time fussing over what to wear. Instead, use it as an opportunity to reduce decision fatigue. Pick a standard work uniform or a few go-to options. Buy all your clothes at once with a stylist instead of shopping alone, one article of clothing at a time.

If you doubt the impact, consider Tim Williams, the Berlin-based pitchman for the travel website Trivago. In a matter of months, the consensus on "The Trivago Guy" has gone from creepy to crush-worthy. The Twittersphere remains abuzz. Who would've thought a man's style would become central to the marketing of a travel website?


Or consider my experience. I hate pictures of myself but decided to up my image about a year and a half ago. I hired a professional photographer, who then referred me to a stylist at a J.Crew Men's Store.

Working with a stylist was a game changer and didn't cost as much as you might think. Seeing my "new self" reflected back to me boosted my confidence and self-image. The photographer made the most of a snowy, grey day. For men, another place to look is the Alpha M makeover videos on YouTube.

As superficial as it may seem, the impact of an image upgrade isn't just how others perceive us but how we see ourselves. It's worth bringing some consciousness and intentionality to style to grow your impact as an executive and leader.


​So
urce:
entrepreneur

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Tuesday, 26 July 2016

[HM:258466] 20 Tips to improve Your Team's Performance

Here are 20 tips:

#1 – Communicate clear goals and expectations to your employees

The majority of employees want to be a part of a compelling future, want to know what is most important at work and what excellence looks like. For targets to be meaningful and effective in motivating employees, they must be tied to larger organizational ambitions.

#2 – Share information and numbers

Let them in on what is going on within the company as well as how their jobs contribute to the big picture. When you keep you employees informed they tend to feel a greater sense of worth. Keep communication hopeful and truthful – do not be afraid to share bad news, instead be more strategic about how you deliver it. Improve performance through transparency – By sharing numbers with employees, you can increase employees' sense of ownership.

#3 – Encourage open communication

You can get insight into what things are important to the employee by using surveys, suggestion boxes and team meetings. Be open-minded and encourage them to express their ideas and perspectives without criticism. This means putting into practice everything you have learned about effective listening. Address their concerns in the best way you can.

#4 – Not communicating or communicating late can damage engagement

Hearing about an important update from media, colleagues or family and friends can have a negative impact on employee engagement. Ensure employees hear these messages from the business as soon as possible.

#5 – Actively promote organizational effectiveness, reputation, values and ethics

Actively promote organizational effectiveness, reputation, values and ethics – Employees want to feel good about their leaders, where they work, the products they sell and the reputation of their company.

#6 – Culture

Encourage employees to find a personal fit with the company culture.

#7 – Let staff tell their own stories

Encourage them to tell their own stories about what they are doing to support company strategies or embody organizational values.

#8 – Trust

Employees need to trust each other as well as their leadership. Employees are constantly watching leadership to see how their decisions affect the strategic direction of the organization and if their behaviors reflect what they say.

#9 – Build engagement

Show that you're genuinely concerned about employees' opinions and use social media as a communications tool to build engagement.

#10 – Encourage innovation

Engaged employees are innovative. They're always looking for a better way.

#11 – Create a strong team environment

Strong employee engagement is dependent on how well employees get along, interact with each other and participate in a team environment.

#12 – Sense of belonging

Non-work activities that foster relationships increase employee engagement.

#13 – Provide constant feedback on the positives

When people know what they're doing well, they'll keep doing it – or, even better, do more of it. Providing someone with a little recognition on what they're doing well can go a long way toward boosting morale. This is not to say "ignore the weaknesses" – just don't make the weaknesses the only focus area of feedback. This doesn't mean you should not create accountability, it actually means the opposite – but, if all you do is criticize, people will learn how to hide their mistakes or shift blame.

#14 – Give immediate feedback

Feedback is two way communication. It is the opportunity to share opinions and find solutions. Too many managers think should be the province of the annual personnel revue. It's not. It should be a daily occurrence.

#15 – Show how feedback is being used

Demonstrate to staff how their feedback is being used.

#16 – Support employees in their work and growth

How many of you have responded to a subordinate's idea as brilliant or even good. Success begets success. You can support employee growth by providing education and learning opportunities, cross training, coaching, and any other interactions that support employees' personal development.

#17 – Collaborate and share on problem-solving

When employees get the idea that their manager or leader is the one who has to solve all the problems, it takes away from their sense of empowerment, and ultimately is likely to decrease engagement over time. Encourage team members to take responsibility, and work through problems or issues on their own, or collaboratively. It's not the manager's job to fix everyone else's problems.

#18 – Delegation

Delegation is good for you because it expands your managerial span of control. It's good for your employees because it is a growth opportunity for them. It demonstrates your trust in them to do the job correctly and increases their ownership of the task.

#19 – Incentives

Incentives that are matched to accountability and results. Managers who want their employees to be engaged recognize that incentives must be allocated based on objective criteria and that different employees are motivated by different things.

#20 – Celebrate both financial and non financial achievements

Employees need to feel validated and that they are a valued part of the organization. Leadership needs to show how much they care for their employees and show recognition for efforts: "If you want something to grow, pour champagne on it".


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[HM:258465] Stress Management - The First Step


The first step to combating stress is to identify what is causing it. This sounds a lot easier than it is, causes of stress in your life can be easily overlooked or denied. Something that could be stressing you out could all in all be some one or something you hold dear and you deny the fact because you do not wish to risk the relationship or said object because you hold it so dear. Other reasons could be stress inducing thoughts, or habits and you can not pull yourself together to confront yourself and break these habits.Ways to find stress inducing objects is when ever asked about them you merely shrug them off and say it is temporary. The excuse "I have hundreds of things going on right now." Is a prime example especially when you ALWAYS have a 100 things going on. Moving on from that is when you relate stress to everyday life you say that "things are always like this..." this is a stress inducing habit and you are just treating it as it is normal. And the last one is when you blame stress upon other people and events, in the end it is your responsibility to combat stress not some one else's.
30 Simple Ways to Reduce Stress at Work
25+ Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life
36 things we take for granted, every day!
8 Short Messages on Anger
Know-how about Depression

Article Source / Picture Source

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Sunday, 24 July 2016

[HM:258464] Negative Thinking: 6 Ways To Fine-Tune Your Mind

If you are prone to negative thinking, you may feel as though this is an innate quality which will impact on you throughout your life. It is this misconception that drags many people down in their lives, as they allow negative thoughts to consume them and overwhelm their mind-set.

In fact, negative thinking is a habit that can be challenged and changed through knowledge, strategy and behaviour. As we understand the cause of our negativity and change the way in which we perceive situations, we can develop a more positive outlook that delivers huge rewards in our personal and professional lives!

6 ways in which you can stop negative thinking

So, here are six simple and actionable ways in which you can stop negative thinking and develop more positive behavioural habits:

1. Develop a consistent sleeping cycle

Negative thinking is a symptom of depression, and as such it is often exacerbated by a lack of sleep or an irregular sleeping cycle. The link between negativity, depression and sleep deprivation has been explored at length during numerous scientific studies, including the 2005 Sleep in America pools which discovered that subjects diagnosed with depression or anxiety were more likely to sleep less than six hours each night.

To negate this and ensure that you are well-rested, you should commit to developing a healthy and sustainable sleep cycle over a prolonged period of time. This must enable you to achieve a full eight-hour sleep every evening, so create a routine based on the time that you need to rise for work in the morning.

2. Write down your Negative Thoughts in a Journal

The issue with negative thoughts is that they are usually formless and ambiguous in our minds, making them hard to quantify or resolve through verbal reasoning. They can also hide the real source of our angst, so it is important that we are able to process these thoughts and understand their various triggers.

The best way to achieve this is to write down your negative thoughts in a journal, translating them into words and affording them actual meanings. Start by recording your thoughts quickly and directly, as you focus on expressing yourself rather than attempting to phrase your thoughts logically. Once they have been committed to paper, you can then begin to review them and identify specific triggers or common themes.

This process also helps you to develop the habit of expressing your thoughts in an open manner, making it easier to manage relationships and resolve inter-personal issues.

3. Stop thinking in extremes

Life is far from black and white, and those of a rational mind-set are able to factor this into their everyday thought processes. The same cannot be said for those who are prone to negative thinking, however, as these individuals tend to think in extremes and imagine the worst case scenarios when they are faced with a problem.

Unfortunately, this prevents you from embracing the subtle nuances of life and considering the positives that can be drawn from any situation.

In this respect, the key to challenging a negative mind-set does not lie in contriving a forced and completely positive mind-set. Instead, you should consider the various positive and negative possibilities that exist within any given scenario, committing these to paper and creating a list that can guide your thought processes. This will instantly afford your brain viable alternatives to the extreme negative, without forcing you to suddenly alter your mind-set in a moment.

4. Deal with facts and stop mind-reading

On a similar note, negative thinking also makes you incapable of dealing with any kinds of uncertainty. So when you are placed in a stressful or unfamiliar situation that has a potentially negative outcome, you have a tendency to pre-empt certain events and apply meanings to them without any significant facts. This can be described as mind-reading, and it is only likely to foster further negativity.

This can be easily resolved with a change in behaviour, as you look to gather facts and details relating to the situation and use these to make an informed judgement. The key is to start with a scenario and state all of the logical explanations in order of their relevance, using either a pen and paper or verbal reasoning. If a friend has not replied to a text immediately, for example, this could be due to a number of reasons such as their battery dying, their presence in a meeting at work or the fact that their handset is on silent and the message has not been read.

By listing these realistic explanations, you can avoid the temptation to pre-empt negative outcomes and react impulsively. Over time, experience will also teach you that logical and reasonable explanations are usually more likely than the worst-case scenarios which play on your mind.

5. Accentuate the positive and embrace it when it does happen

One of the main issues with negative thinking is that it clouds your judgement at all times, even when a scenario ends with a positive outcome. This can either cause you to minimise the positive outcome and the impact that it has in your mind or prevent you from seeing any positivity at all.

Let's say that you are afforded a pay-rise at work, for example, but one that is lower than some of your colleagues. Instead of focusing solely on this single negative element, it is far better to celebrate the offer of a pay-rise in the first instance and recognise the fact that there are others who have received less. This introduces perspective to any situation and provides definitive facts to contrast your negative thoughts.

Perception is the key here, as you look to view negative occurrences as temporary and specific rather than permanent and pervasive. Instantly look to balance a negative thought or observation with a contrasting positive, as this will enable you to get into the habit of developing a far greater sense of perspective.

6. Re-frame your circumstances and actively seek out positives

While there are scenarios that clearly deliver both positive and negative effects, there are others that may be instantly perceived as being wholly negative. This is the worst nightmare for anyone who is prone to negative thinking, as they are presented with a situation which feeds their pessimistic mind-set and offers no immediate hope of resolution.

You may be at an airport when your flight is delayed, for example, which is a negative scenario that forces you to panic and consider a number of opportunities that you may be missing out on.

The way to resolve this is to actively seek out positives, initially by re-framing the circumstances and reconsidering a perceived problem as a potential opportunity. So rather then focusing on what you may be missing out on, why not list the other things that you can achieve while waiting for your flight? Whether you complete work tasks or enjoy some relaxed retail therapy, the key is to distract yourself from negative thoughts by searching for positive resolutions and optimising your time.

Source: lifehack


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Saturday, 23 July 2016

[HM:258462] 8 Steps to Anger Management for Kids


by Janet Lehman, MSW 8 Steps to Anger Management for Kids
Do your kids make you feel like an ogre when you set limits? Does the word "no" kick off whining, yelling and protests?  How many times have you heard your nine-year-old say something like: "That's not fair! Brandon's mom lets him watch Sons of Anarchy!"  Or does this sound familiar:  "Jessica's dad lets her stay out 'til 10 on school nights! Why can't you?"
"It's important to help your child look at what was happening and what they were thinking that triggered their angry response."
It can be hard to know sometimes if the limits you set are reasonable or not, especially when your kids are howling that "everyone else is allowed to do it!"On top of that, how do you know that the limits you set even work? Whether you are just beginning to set limits, or are adjusting your limits to match your child's unique needs and developmental changes, here are some tips to make setting limits, and feeling confident about those limits, easier.
  1. Start from your values. Be clear about the values you want to instill in your family. If eating dinner together at home is important, make that an expectation. If treating people fairly is essential, make sure your limits support that. Knowing that your limits are based on your values helps during those times when your child pushes back and says you're the worst parent in the world. You'll find it easier to resist giving in to that argument.
  2. Communicate the limits. Try saying to your child something like, "Things are going to change, and you can expect that dad and I will deal with your behavior differently." Or, "Now that you're older, we need to have some rules about going to parties."  Then let your child know the limits and the consequences for either following or not following the rules. Be clear and specific. This is not a one-time event, but rather a process that will likely take repeated refresher discussions along the way.
  3. Monitor how your child responds. What did your child do? Not immediately, because change is a process and takes time, but over time.  Are you able to observe some improvement in behavior, even if it's slight? For instance, you set curfew for your teen, and at first he didn't seem to care.  But when you started to take the car keys away, he began to come home closer and closer to the curfew.  Now he is routinely coming in on time.

    For younger kids, it may be helpful to have a chart or calendar where behaviors are recorded.  Kids often like to participate in this activity, especially if they get to put the sticker on the chart for behaving correctly. For older kids, charting behavior helps them get a better perspective on their ability to change over time.  Even if they had a terrible day yesterday, they can see that they've been doing so much better during the past few weeks, and so there's hope for continued success.
  4. Be matter-of-fact. Try not to personalize the misbehavior. If your child starts to feel the power to "hurt" you with his misbehavior, this can easily lead to manipulative behavior. Instead, focus on the behavior and your child's need to change. Help them understand that the misbehavior is hurtful to them and worth changing. If you are angry, wait to talk with your child until your anger has cooled.  You can say, "I'm not ready to talk with you right now.  I'll talk with you when I am. Just wait".
  5. Be prepared. Do you sometimes just react to your child's misbehavior, handing down whatever punishment happens to come to mind?  Instead, try sitting down and calmly thinking about what behavior you are trying to target.  Then you can think more clearly about what consequence would be most effective in promoting change.  Develop a list of meaningful consequences in a quiet moment. You know your kids best, what they hold near and dear. Consequences are most impactful when your child really cares either about avoiding the loss of something (computer time, going to her friends overnight, the car, the concert) or about gaining something (time with dad, a hiking trip with friends, an overnight, the car, a concert).

    Remember, it's important for both parents to share any plan that is developed and be on the same page, or at least be willing to support each other in the process.
  6. Consequences need time limits. You need to set limits and impose consequences that allow your child to grow and change. Part of this is setting limits with appropriate timeframes. Younger kids have a very different sense of time than adults. A weeklong consequence for a six-year-old may feel never-ending to her, where your 10-year-old can more easily feel like there's some light at the end of the tunnel. If you ground your teen for the rest of his life, (while you may definitely feel that way at the time) he will immediately know that you are setting a limit you can't hold him to.

    For some kids, it's helpful to set limits in small increments so they can experience success. "If you are able to make it through this evening without fighting with your brother, you will earn back 20 minutes of computer time tomorrow night." Having do-able steps is especially important for kids with moderate to severe behavior problems as they can often experience failure and feelings of defeat.
  7. Monitor yourself. Watch that you're not falling into old patterns of screaming and yelling or ignoring misbehavior. It's difficult for us, too, as parents to change.  Keep at it.
  8. Start limit setting early.  It's much harder to begin setting limits for the first time when your child is a teenager whose "job" it is to push back on limits, especially those set by parents. But remember, you can start any time.
  9. Change doesn't happen overnight. When things don't seem to be working, try looking for the little changes you can observe in your own behavior—even if they aren't yet impacting your child. Did you make a plan and stick with it? Did you make a decision and hold firm? Were you able to tell your child what you expected of him without screaming and yelling? If you did any of these things, you are making progress.

    There may be relapses by you or your child. You may get "lazy" about follow-through; or your child who was doing so well playing at recess gets into a fight. Keep small set-backs in perspective, and try thinking one day at a time. It may also be time to review your limits and consequences and see if they need adjusting.
  10. Don't look for validation from your child. If you're looking for validation from your kids, you're giving them too much power. Their job is not to be your friend, or to thank you for setting limits to help them control their behavior. Part of being a parent is setting limits, teaching better behaviors, and coaching your children as they begin to use those improved behaviors. This is a hard job, and at times you can feel pretty alone. Talk to other parents who you trust. Discuss the problems with your partner, and support each other in the changes. Talk with a teacher or guidance counselor who understands your child and some of the unique challenges he or she presents.
Parents often feel that by setting limits, they will lose their child's love. Just the opposite is true. Kids need limits, and count on parents to set those for them to keep them safe and help them grow. Setting limits is an act of love.
As you start setting and holding your children to more consistent limits, you might feel that you are being overly strict.  Aiming for consistency may also feel rigid to parents who are used to a looser household. Remember that limit-setting is just one part of effective parenting and needs to be paired with teaching and coaching. Children aren't going to change their behavior simply due to limits.  Kids also need parents to teach better problem-solving skills and to coach them as they try out the new skills and behaviors. They may never say thank you, but setting limits is one of the best gifts you can give your child.

Read more: EmpoweringParents

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[HM:258462] Are You Guilty of These Seven Deadly Thinking Sins?

negative thoughts thinking sins

Life would be much more enjoyable if we could only recognize our poor thinking patterns and replace them with more positive thoughts.

Negativity has a way of making its way into our thoughts and it largely goes unrecognized. The most important first step is to notice these negative thoughts and eliminate them on the spot. If you then replace them with positive thoughts, you'll notice a tremendous change in every aspect of your life.

Eliminate these deadly thinking sins:

1. "I'll do it tomorrow." The truth is you're never going to feel like doing what needs to be done. We all fool ourselves into thinking there will be a better time in the near future.

  • Anything you're putting off isn't going to get any easier.
  •  The most successful people are very good at taking care of the most important tasks at hand. Some things are uncomfortable, and it's necessary to push through that discomfort. Start with baby steps and build up your tolerance for discomfort!

2. "I can't do this. I can't stick with anything." If you don't think you can do something, you'll probably prove yourself right. This is especially true with the big stuff.

  • Remember that it's not about discipline. It's really about focus and motivation.
  • Tell yourself that you can do it. Remind yourself that it's more about getting motivated and applying yourself consistently. Discipline is only a good tool in the short-term. Limit yourself to one big goal and get excited about it.

3. Thinking that someone else's success impacts you negatively. It's erroneous to believe that only a limited number of people can be successful. There's room for everyone.

  • It might be lonelier at the top, but that doesn't mean there isn't room for you. You can be successful too.
  • When others do well, you're actually better off being happy for them. You can examine their success and learn from it. You'll also come to believe that others will be happy when you're successful.

4. "It's too late for me." We all have missed opportunities from our past, but that doesn't mean it's too late. People in their 60's have attended medical school and law school. Others don't get married or have children until later in life.

  • Some things do take a significant amount of time to achieve, but that doesn't mean you can't get started today.

5. "I'll never be successful." Everyone fails at something along the way to success. The good news is that failure can be the best way to learn. But focusing on your failures just causes you to feel bad all the time.

  • Focus your attention on your successes. Look back over your past and remember all the times you were successful. Make a list of your past successes and add your new successes to the list as they happen.

6. "Why is this happening again?" Unpleasant things just happen. It's a normal part of life. However, just like our failures, if we spend our time dwelling on them, we make ourselves miserable.

  • We all suffer at times, but that suffering passes and makes room for positive things. Avoid dwelling on the negative and look forward to better times.

7. "I can be happy once I have (accomplished or earned) ______." It's unreasonable to hold yourself back from happiness until you've achieved some milestone. Unfortunately, once that goal is reached, there are more goals that follow. Putting off your happiness can become a harmful habit.

  • It's important to learn to be happy with where you are and what you have. That doesn't mean you have to be completely satisfied, but you might as well be happy in the meantime.

Negative thoughts have a tremendous impact on your happiness and success. It's important to recognize these negative thought patterns and squash them immediately. Replace these negative thoughts with thoughts that are more realistic and supportive. You'll be glad you did!

The post Are You Guilty of These Seven Deadly Thinking Sins? appeared first on My Self Improvement Daily.

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