- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty..But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal