Monday 19 March 2012

[HM:251949] Calling in sick


 

 

  

Cat Lover or Not, this is funny !


We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one: 

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse,

I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. 

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day.

By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. 
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.



Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out

to me from the kitchen. 

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.' 

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter
 and steam. 'Reset it

 yourself!' 

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?' 

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.' 

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a

statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. 

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the

 last action I remember performing. 

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed

disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the

 fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink.

And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and

 snagged them with her needle-like claws I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily

movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from

my masculine region. 

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament,

 choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air

 when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. 
The impact knocked me out cold. 

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. 

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor

butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics. 
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they

tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not

 succeeding. 

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where

 colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming

 it was too painful to talk about, which it was. 

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?' 
If they only knew! 


Why is it that only the women laugh at this?
    
   
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 



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