[HM:251704] How To Get Your Children To Cooperate

Techniques for Effective Communication

Nobody likes to be ordered around or criticised too often. And exactly these are the most common reasons for children to refuse to something.

• Ask but don't order. Especially when the day gets a bit stressful, children often hear things like: "Pack your toys away" or "go brush your teeth". Would you like to be talked to like that? "Mum, wash my t-shirt, find my exercise book, ...?" Why not say instead: "Jarad, would you please pack your toys away?" or "Sara, would you go and brush your teeth please?"
  
• Ask "would" instead of "could". Why? "Can" and "could" can be understood in so many different ways. They seem to be more polite but also question someone's ability.
  
  
• Be direct: Don't state what's wrong, state what you want instead... "The lounge is covered with your toys. Auntie Lisa will come in an hour." All too often, statements like that are expected to be understood as requests, but the part that would actually be the request is missing: "please pack away your toys".
  
  
• It's best to leave those explanatory statements all together, even though it might seem polite to add them. They can be understood in so many different ways. "My toys are not the only things that make the lounge room messy. Besides, Aunty Lisa is always late. She won't be here in an hour anyway. Why is it me who has to clean up then?" Instead a short "Would you please collect your toys from the lounge room" is much more likely to be followed without refusal.
  
  
• Do it together or at least work together for a common goal: The magical word here – "let's ...", for example: "Let's get ready for Aunty Lisas visit. Would you please pack your toys away?"
  
  
• Don't lecture, instead model behaviour and let you children make their own experiences safely. For example: It's cold outside and you'd like your children to dress warmly. Just dress warmly yourself and comment why you do that. If she doesn't feel like putting on something warm too, then just take a change of warm cloth for when she get's cold and could make that experience herself

http://www.positive-parenting-skills.net/techniques-for-effective-communication.html

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M Junaid Tahir
http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/
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